it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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