even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
