I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
