I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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