I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
