You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
