i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
