I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
