I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
