I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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