It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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