I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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