I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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