I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
