You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
