So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
