How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We're too hungover to prance.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
