ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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