Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
As shirtless as possible
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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