i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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