she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
