He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My dad is sitting where you rode me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
