No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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