I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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