I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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