He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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