i already hear my dad disowning me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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