Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
