My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
