Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i barfeds in our rink
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
