Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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