Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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