wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
