Cold hands, warm shart.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
