last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
