I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
