Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
