Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize