The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
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