My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
