so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
