**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have aggressive nipples.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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