He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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