when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
