No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
