do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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