and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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