YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
