We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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