He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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