Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize