why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
