Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
