You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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