y did u give ur computer a hand job?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
