sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
