at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
