It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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