Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
