i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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