Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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