Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
