Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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