Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
