he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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