Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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