Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
